I would be hard-pressed to find a worse distraction than writing. Even meditation is better. Yes, you read that right. Sitting quietly, alone, with nothing at all to take my mind off my mind, still provides a better distraction from my fears, doubts, and grief than trying to write.
Coffee and pastries work great, but only until they are gone which is always too soon. Sometimes, a sugar stupor can lay me out for a nap which is quite effective for fifteen or twenty blissful minutes, albeit decidedly unproductive.
On the other hand, writing plops me headfirst into the festering pool of my most destabilizing challenges. Do I have anything at all to say? Can I even draw? Would anyone give a rat’s ass if I fell off of the edge of the planet?
I’m so up in my own face when I write that it makes me wonder why I even do it. Here are a few reasons I’ve come up with so far.
1. I like the puzzle of writing. Trying to figure out what’s in my head and how to get it on the page in a way that will get it into your head is, contrary to what I just said, very engrossing. And informative.
2. I’m locked in a battle with myself that I insist on winning. I am determined to confront and conquer my fears, doubts, and grief, even if victory means laying down arms and accepting them lovingly into my heart, which actually seems to be the currently preeminent battle plan.
3. I’m determined to prove that I have something to say, my drawing is good enough, and that people would miss me if I fell into outer space. While this is primarily a job for a more comprehensive mental health plan, that plan includes sticking with it and fighting the good fight (see #2).
There is one more bullet point, but ending a piece with a bullet point seems like a poor writing practice. Also, I’m not really sure that it’s a separate reason and not simply a testament to what I’ve already outlined.
I don’t know what else I would possibly do with myself if I stopped.
Maybe it’s better to leave this point out. But, it could well be a bona fide reason that I would later be sorry to have omitted. In ways, it might be the biggest reason of all, since I’ve often said that I would have quit this long ago if there was anything else that I was qualified to do. Still, it also seems vague and unilluminating to include.
Hmmm.
Might be time for a nap.
If you liked this, you might also like this piece about wanting people to like me.
Subscribe to an infrequent newsletter here.
Or visit me at my site.
All comics ©2021 by David Milgrim
Just trying to feel okay, one comic at a time